Cornell's Birthday & 6 Months
I started "Cornell's Mountain" as a way of keeping up with informing family about Cornell's condition and treatment. The link was soon passed along to extended family and then to friends, associates, classmates, mission and ward family and more. After Cornell's passing there wasn't much to say and to tell the truth, I didn't have the heart to return here.
But we just passed the 6 month mark since his passing and last Monday, March 6th, was Cornell's 62 birthday, kind of miles stones. I doubt anyone still comes here, but it seemed like a good place to honor his memory.
For his birthday, the kids, their spouses and grandkids and Cornell's brother Louis (in our various locations) ordered Chinese food or pizza and had cheesecake for dessert. Cornell's favorites. Then we had a Zoom meeting and played a game. The game went like this, on "Go" we wrote down all of the Cornell quotes we could think of. After 3 minutes we stopped and put down the pencils. We took turns reading the quotes. If you had a quote that someone else had thought of, then that quote was crossed off. Each person scored a point for every quote that no one else came up with. There were lots of laughs. Also that day or there abouts, we listened to a story on vinyl record that Cornell owned and listened to as a kid. Here is a link
- When finding a dead plant in the yard, "lets just give it time"
- I'll buy YOU one get one free.
- You cheeseburgered it. (Shayla didn't have her best run one track meet)
- Save your tears for when your mother dies. (quoting his father Boyd)
- The jerks. (refurring to the deer nibbling the yard to nubs)
- There are more to come. I'll add them as I gather them from the game. Feel free to add any you thought of - in the comment section👍
In late December, our Stake President, Kim Smith (who was also Cornell's dentist) called and asked if I would speak in Stake Conference. For those not familiar with the structure of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, our congregations are called Wards (about ~300+ people). Our Stake is made up of 8 Wards and a smaller group called a Branch. Stake Conference is twice a year. It is broadcast to 3 of the 4 church buildings in the Stake boundaries, because there isn't room for everyone all in one building. I tell you this because there could potentially be a lot of people listening.
I was a little stunned. It had been less than 4 months since Cornell passed away. I was pretty sure that I wasn't up for it. But I gathered all my faith and told Pres. Smith I would do it. My only hope was to be prepared in every way that I knew how. I prayed then wrote the talk, then rewrote it and rewrote it some more. Then I practiced, prayed and practiced. I fasted and took my talk and a pencil to the Temple and rewrote it again. I recieved strenth to make it through.
I was so relieved when it was over Here is my talk. . . .
I love the words in the Book of Mormon. . . “and it came to pass” I’m looking forward to when the next few minutes come to pass. This is just a little scary.
But scared or not, I want to tell you that I have chosen to believe in Jesus Christ. Somewhere along the way I realized that not believing would lead to hopelessness and I decided that believing was my best option. Peter said it better when he answered the Savior's question, “Will ye also go away?” Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. John 6:47-48
How is it that we are free to make such an important choice? In the Pearl of Great Price we learn:
24 And there stood aone among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and bwe will make an earth whereon these may cdwell;
25 And we will aprove them herewith, to see if they will bdo all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them; Abraham 3:24-25
We are here to do the Lord’s will. Before we do, we have to choose to do. We chose to come to earth, to receive a body and have a mortal experience. We are still choosing because we were given the gift of agency.
A primary song by Shawna Edwards says;
And we will choose Him again
For He’s our Savior and friend
Now, I chose to believe in the Savior not only because it is the best option, I choose him because the Holy Spirit whispers truth and my faith increases and I feel honored to be counted among the believers. That increased faith from that choice has sustained me in my trials.
I feel that I need to share my current struggle with you. I don’t want to, because I’m still in it, but I want to do the Lord's will even more.
Four months ago, my husband passed away. Four months before that we were searching for why he was losing his balance. Then came an intense time of doctors, prayers, hospitals, tests, waiting, scans, priesthood blessings, medicine, waiting, sickness, surgery, rehab, waiting, pain, modifying and equipping our home and more scans. Only to find out that all that could be done, had been done. During one of his last days, my husband asked me if I really believed in Heaven. I could tell him with my whole heart . . . yes. I imagined out loud that Heaven will have lots of joy, purpose, clarity, and reunions. I told him that everything over there is so much better than anything we've got here. The grass is really greener on the other side. I have to admit that I tried not to be jealous that in a short time he would be seeing Jesus with his own spiritual eyes.
But for me, the battle rages on. With faith, you and I carry on experiencing life and choosing Jesus until He calls us home or He comes again.
Since my husband’s passing, I have made some costly mistakes. I won’t share them all, but a few days before the funeral, I left the hot water running in the washroom sink and flooded the house.
A story from Agnes Caldwell’s journal has helped me gain perspective. She was 9 yrs old when she was in the Willie Handcart Company.
I'll retell some of her story.
Agnes recalled that when the rescue wagons reached them the infirm and aged were allowed to ride, all able-bodied continued to walk. Agnes hoped that if she stayed up with the wagons, they would let her ride . . . After what seemed like the longest time, the driver asked if she would like a ride? She answered, ‘Yes sir.’ He reached over, took her hand, clicked to his horses and made her run alongside all the while she was having angry thoughts about the driver and was sure he was the meanest man that ever lived. These are Agnes’s words, “Just at what seemed the breaking point, he stopped. Taking a blanket, he wrapped me up and lay me in the bottom of the wagon, warm and comfortable. Here I had time to change my mind, as I surely did, knowing full well by doing this he saved me from freezing when taken into the wagon.”
Autobiography of Agnes Caldwell a handcart Pioneer,” ensign June 2000
A couple weeks ago I was shoveling my driveway by hand. It’s steep and I have been down it, by surprise, on the seat of my pants. I had first tried to plow it with my newly acquired snowplow blade attached to a razer. All I was able to do was to pack the snow nice and tight with the tires. I didn’t yet know that I had bent the supports by lifting the blade too high with the winch. I was frustrated. I looked to the sky and yelled as loud as I could, “How long does it have to be so hard!” Then I smacked the plow with my shovel and cried. Just about when I had gotten myself back together, my ministering brother on his 4 wheeler, happened along. He plowed the driveway, then my neighbor, who had helped to get the plow in the first place, called to see how things were going then came over to look for the problem. My ministering brother went to get his trailer for taking my plow to be repaired. And I received a text from a friend from a previous ward asking if I needed anything. All within an hour of me yelling at the heavens. I’ve had so many come, call, text, invite me places, check on me and cry with me. They have helped plow, repair flood damage, listen and give advice when I don’t know what I’m doing…. and they all look like angels. If they aren’t angels, then they have a direct line to them.
Even in this, even in the mess, some of which is my own making, it feels like the Savior is holding onto my hand and making me run alongside the wagon. Even this, he can use for good - there hasn’t been time for despair and hopelessness. No clinging to my blankets, too frozen to face the day. When I start to feel gloom and sorrow creeping in, I think to myself, “He already knows, The Savior knows what I'm feeling and then I keep going. Our Savior keeps his promises, and he will not leave us comfortless. John 14:18
Even if he doesn’t make all the hard go away, even when the answer to my pleading is, no, I have faith that he has a plan. I love him and even in the struggle, I choose to believe!
I say this in the holy name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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